I have so many thoughts..

I have so many thoughts going through my head.   I haven't blogged-not because I don't have anything to say-but because I have too much to say.   Most of it I debate whether or not it belongs here.

I may ramble a bit and be all over the place...so just bear with me. 

So, I have been thinking about my overall health recently.  There have been a few deaths of people I knew that really have got me thinking.   Not that I have any real control, but I don't want to be one of those "died too young" people.    I know if it's meant to happen it will, but I want to do all I can to make sure it doesn't.

But I haven't been.....  so many reasons. 

Another reason I've not blogged is what I've wanted to say isn't necessarily about working out or eating right.  It does have something to do with my health, just not sure if or how I would share.  

I've been in the dumps. Feeling blue.  Sad.  I really hate to use the word depressed--but I guess it's a mild case--.  I've suffered from depression for a very long time. I've managed to control it through meds (the same meds that help me fight my fibromyalgia).  

However lately, I've had a lot on my mind and it's just gotten to me.   First there's the pain.   My aching body. It feels like I've had a very tough workout, without the workout.   There's the throbbing pain in random parts of my body.  By legs, calves, top of my feet, my wrists. ETC.  It's random and it just hurts.  

Best Dog EVER!

There's my knee.  When I was still living at home and we had our family dog Max (to this day, I think this was the best behaved dog i've ever had). Max was a Shepherd/Collie mix.  In his final years he was diagnosed with a degenerative disease of the spine.  His back legs became weak and he'd have to sit.  Had trouble jumping and climbing on things.  They gave him a cortisone shot to his back.  For awhile, he was like a new dog.  Could walk longer and had more pep in his step.   In the meantime, the disease progressed.  By the time the effects of the shot wore off, he was worse.
It was heartbreaking and horrible.     Those memories have stuck with me since.

Here we are 21 years later since the day of saying Goodbye to Max and I more than understand.  I've discussed my knee many times throughout this blog.   Essentially the thing to fix my knee is a knee replacement surgery. The docs have said I'm too young to have it--and I agree.  Why go through more surgeries than necessary if we can avoid them.

Back in August I had the injection of SynVisc in my knee.  It worked wonders and have allowed me more pain free mobility than I have had in the past.  It didn't get rid of all pain (there were days), but I was able to move more.     Here we are 6 months later and it's wearing off.   The injection is supposed to last up to 6 months, so I'm pretty lucky I'm on the outside of that time frame.   Still it's hurting more and more.   And in ways it's worse.      I can't explain it, but the pain is different and worse. AND to add insult to injury, my right knee is hurting like hell.   

Lada Ann

I know I can work out even with the pain, as I did before, but I haven't.  

Time. I want to start working out. I really really do..  I am just having trouble fitting it into my schedule.  In the beginning of the 21 day fix program I would work out between 6-7pm.  That was really the only time I could fit it in my day.  

A few things have changed.  First .... meet Lada. She's our 2nd Cattle Dog and so much more clingy than Peryn ever was.  She won't leave my side for long.  Where I once came home and let the dogs out and spent 20 mins with them, I now spend 40 minutes to and hour with them. Calming her down, loving on the dogs.  Being a good puppy Mom.   I adore her, but she alone takes up a lot of my time that was once free.   Don't get me wrong...I adore the heck out of her and am not really complaining...but it does set me back in my schedule.

Additionally, Rich doesn't come home early anymore.   THIS is where I KNOW I need to get organized and pre-prep dinner...but I haven't been.  That puts me behind and when Rich is getting home at 6--I'm eating with him.  
Before you know it --it's too late.    I need to get to bed around 8pm.  It allows me almost 8 hours of sleep and usually by then I'm WHIPPED.  EXHAUSTED.  DONE FOR.   

Sleep....yeah--I need to be re-evaluated. I'm having issues when I sleep (snoring) that should not be happening.   LUCKILY I meet with my sleep doc next week. I think I may need another sleep study or they need to adjust my pressure....   I'm not getting a restful 8 hours.   OH...and that cute little face above and this one.  
I get woken up about twice a night to let their fluffy behinds outside.   OR like last night HE decided to keep walking all over me throughout the night.  He's HEAVY!!       So this contributes to my lack of full sleep.


Excuses...maybe.   I really want to get back on track.  I just need time to do that.     God Bless you working full time Moms.   God Bless you.


So backing up to my "Blues".   It just seems like things are getting to me.   I worry about my folks, my Dad's health, my Mom's health & well being, my health, my husband's health, my job, friends going though some things, politics of the city I live in (the issues that directly effect me) , the country, my husband's job, finances, the house....and the list goes on.   One thing or random though can set me off.  Then I am sad and down and it just sucks.  Who cares about working out at that point...

Another reason I don't blog as much....I started this last night.  Sat down, typed up a few lines and then was done...Exhausted.  Got up and climbed into bed.   The only reason I am able to finish now is mentioned above...2 furry adorable creatures woke me up at 3:30 and since I get up at 4AM--I figured I would get down to blogging.
Now here I am at 4:24am--running behind to shower and get ready to head out at 5...

So  as you see--my mind is always full of things to blog about, but then I debate whether or not this is the place to vent?   Yeah---mental health is part of getting better--but I'm not one to talk about the heavy stuff going on.  
Heck if you follow me on FB--I pretty much only talk about about my pups.   No one knows the real stuff....     ((Shrugs)).

I could sit here and babble about stuff all day, but I REALLY do need to get up and going. I have to leave this house in 30 minutes and I'm not even showered.

SO there you have it.
Haven't worked out. Eating crappy. Sad. In Pain.  and in love with my pups.  

Oh and Happy Birthday to my best friend!