Part 2-Did she just post?

 I'm breaking this up into 2 different posts to give you a break in reading everything. Besides I think this is the best place to break it up.  Everything leading up to the visit and the visit and aftermath.

So I had some glimmer of hope before seeing the Pain Mgmt doctor.  I have A LOT of self-hatred. I have a lot of embarrassment & guilt over my weight.   I also feel like no one believes me.  Fibromyalgia has taken a lot from me.   I have lost A LOT of mobility, energy, strength, & normalcy. I lost a lot of my feeling of self-worth. I have lots of depression. 

Besides my mental health struggles that I had prior to FM, it has brought a lot of other issues to the table. Being social is PHYSICALLY DRAINING. It is equally mentally draining. This is also a lot of the reason I tend to self-isolate.   Throw in I am so dang sensitive to heat, light, noises, & smell--Covid to boot, WHY WOULD I want to be out & about?

When I went to the chiropractor the first time, he asked what I hoped to achieve? The pain management doctor asked the same?? Can you guess what my answer was? To be able to walk again.  I want to be able to go on a walk without debilitating pain. Not much of an ask. If I can walk without debilitating pain, I can walk to gain some of my health back.   

SO I met with my new Dr.  He had me do a number of movements. Then he felt along my spine, asking "does this hurt?"  When he got to my lower back, I reacted.  Reacted significantly because he had pushed right on the spot.  

He tells me to sit & says "It is arthritis."  I almost cried because to date, other than some medicine & injections , nothing helps.  However he took it a step further. Brought out his spinal vertebrae display and explained in detail what was happening.

This meant a lot as just being told you have arthritis & the detailed explanation of what is happening and why helped ME understand.

My L4 & L5 and S1     vertebrae, where the pain originates, the joints get inflamed when stress is put on them. Stress of walking, standing, & sitting.  When they get inflamed the nerve radiating out sends the pain signals.   This is specifically located at L4-5 and L5-S1. 

The better news was that there is a procedure that can help significantly reduce or even eliminate the pain.   However in order to determine whether or not this would work, I was required to undergo TWO diagnostic procedures. 

The diagnostic procedure, Medial Branch Nerve blocks, involved injections that would temporarily block nerve pain in the lower back (one side for each procedure. Depending on my results would determine if the treatment would be best for me.

My first diagnostic test was April 13.  We would definitely call that a success.  This has given me hope that it would work for the right side.  After which would be the treatment-RFA Ablation.

was set to have diagnostic procedure 2 on May 18. It was cancelled last minute.  I am severely disappointed.  The reschedule is June 15.  This means I have to wait a month to have the second diagnostic--which is required before we can even talk treatment.  This means another month of pain. Another month of waiting for relief. Another month of waiting.

I had been kind of hoping to have it over so when I attend a concert next month, I could actually enjoy it. But alas...more waiting.
As I said, I'm severely disappointed at this time. I just want some relief.

WHAT IS RFA Ablation?

below info directly from _Radiofrequency ablation | North Texas Pain Institute (thentpi.com)

AN ELECTRICAL CURRENT PRODUCED BY A RADIO WAVE HEATS A SMALL AREA OF NERVE TISSUE AND THROUGHOUT THAT PROCESS, DECREASES PAIN SIGNALS FROM THAT AREA.

TYPICAL BENEFITS OF RADIOFREQUENCY ABLATION:

• Longer lasting pain relief in comparison to steroid injections
• Reduction or relief of pain
• Short recovery time
• Improved range of motion
• Reduction in pain medication
• Semi-permanent disturbance of the pain signals
• Targets nerves part of the spinal column sending pain signals to the brain
• Reduced need for anesthesia as this has a reduced degree of nerve damage.
• Decreases the pain from severe knee arthritis without needing a knee replacement
• Pain-free benefits of 6 to 12 months on average. Some patients claim pain relief for up to 2 years.
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TO BE CONTINUED

Holy Freaking Sh!t. Did she just post? What's going on.

 So obviously I have not posted in years.   A lot has happened during this time. 

A few months after the last post I lost my father.  This also happened to occur during a very stressful time of selling our home, building a new one, & moving in. This all happened in a 4 week time frame. The moving in had some major hiccups.  

The stress of witnessing his passing, the memorial, taking care of Mom, packing, moving, and all things that come with moving, I did not have time to deal with my grief.  I also had major anger building within me.  Anger at so many things.  

This was affecting me greatly.  I thought I was keeping this anger internalized, but apparently not as someone who dealt with me daily made the comment that they had witnessed a change in me overall. 

December threw another blow with the complete & unexpected loss of one of my beloved fur babies. Her illness came out of nowhere & was devastating.   

I ended up being put on additional anti-depressants (the Cymbalta I am currently on is mostly for fibromyalgia & depression stemming from that).  I also returned to therapy in order to deal with the trauma from witnessing my fathers passing & the passing itself.  

Enter 2020.  Starting the year off ill & by March we all know what happened. I began working from home & being isolated.   

I also found myself diving into my work.  No breaks. Becoming much more productive...and glued to my desk.   

Eventually, walking & standing became excruciating. The pain so intense that when I did force myself to walk more, I ended up vomiting because of the pain ( & overheating thanks to my Fibro). 

I had to stop walking, Having been glued to my chair 8+ hrs a day with less breaks than when i was in the office took its toll.   

I brought it up at Dr appointments, but it was attributed to my weight gain during this time. During 2021 I decided to try a different route & began seeing a Chiropractor.  Through visits with him & massages, upper back felt better, but the lower back was still painful.

Numerous masseuses have mentioned my lower back has felt inflamed.  The chiropractor also indicated the lower back was inflamed.  He wanted me to go for some Xray's.

I ended up catching Covid & was unable to go back to him or get that Xray before I ended up seeing my primary. I forced the issue and ended up getting some x-rays.

X-rays indicated "significant" arthritis in my lower back.  Shortly after I ended up seeing my rheumatologist and we discussed my back & the x-rays. She recommended me seeing a pain doctor.  Perhaps I would be able to get an injection (kind of like I did on my knees.)

 The thing is, even though most of my friends  are understanding of my issues, there are those people that you can tell think you're full of shit.  They are the ones who silently judge you, but you can see it in their face.   

They see an overweight individual that doesn't walk or do much exercise. They think LAZY. They think they eat too much.  It gets to you.  I hate being perceived in that light.   Even though I stretched in the mornings & eat very little--there are those that judge without knowing or UNDERSTANDING the pain I feel.

Being told I had significant arthritis in my lower back, being told by others that they "felt" the inflammation made me feel a little better. There are those in the medical field that were finding something physical related to my pain. 

If getting an injection like that in my knee were going to help--I was all on board.