So obviously I have not posted in years. A lot has happened during this time.
A few months after the last post I lost my father. This also happened to occur during a very stressful time of selling our home, building a new one, & moving in. This all happened in a 4 week time frame. The moving in had some major hiccups.
The stress of witnessing his passing, the memorial, taking care of Mom, packing, moving, and all things that come with moving, I did not have time to deal with my grief. I also had major anger building within me. Anger at so many things.
This was affecting me greatly. I thought I was keeping this anger internalized, but apparently not as someone who dealt with me daily made the comment that they had witnessed a change in me overall.
December threw another blow with the complete & unexpected loss of one of my beloved fur babies. Her illness came out of nowhere & was devastating.
I ended up being put on additional anti-depressants (the Cymbalta I am currently on is mostly for fibromyalgia & depression stemming from that). I also returned to therapy in order to deal with the trauma from witnessing my fathers passing & the passing itself.
Enter 2020. Starting the year off ill & by March we all know what happened. I began working from home & being isolated.
I also found myself diving into my work. No breaks. Becoming much more productive...and glued to my desk.
Eventually, walking & standing became excruciating. The pain so intense that when I did force myself to walk more, I ended up vomiting because of the pain ( & overheating thanks to my Fibro).
I had to stop walking, Having been glued to my chair 8+ hrs a day with less breaks than when i was in the office took its toll.
I brought it up at Dr appointments, but it was attributed to my weight gain during this time. During 2021 I decided to try a different route & began seeing a Chiropractor. Through visits with him & massages, upper back felt better, but the lower back was still painful.
Numerous masseuses have mentioned my lower back has felt inflamed. The chiropractor also indicated the lower back was inflamed. He wanted me to go for some Xray's.
I ended up catching Covid & was unable to go back to him or get that Xray before I ended up seeing my primary. I forced the issue and ended up getting some x-rays.
X-rays indicated "significant" arthritis in my lower back. Shortly after I ended up seeing my rheumatologist and we discussed my back & the x-rays. She recommended me seeing a pain doctor. Perhaps I would be able to get an injection (kind of like I did on my knees.)
The thing is, even though most of my friends are understanding of my issues, there are those people that you can tell think you're full of shit. They are the ones who silently judge you, but you can see it in their face.
They see an overweight individual that doesn't walk or do much exercise. They think LAZY. They think they eat too much. It gets to you. I hate being perceived in that light. Even though I stretched in the mornings & eat very little--there are those that judge without knowing or UNDERSTANDING the pain I feel.
Being told I had significant arthritis in my lower back, being told by others that they "felt" the inflammation made me feel a little better. There are those in the medical field that were finding something physical related to my pain.
If getting an injection like that in my knee were going to help--I was all on board.
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