Today was a little harder ...

I don't know why, but today was hard.   In spite of it, I still stayed on course.   
I just had cravings out of the blue and then, I was right outside Little Ceasers and all I could smell was the dough & cheese.  UGH!   I so wanted to give in. I really did.

I didn't. Instead I came home and made marinated seasoned baked Tilapia, multi grain pasta with shrimp and light Parmesan Alfredo. Truthfully, it was quite delicious. Rich actually requested that I make it more. That meal was only 556 calories!

Today's calorie total was 1828.  I also remembered to walk a bit at lunch as well as doing 15 mins on the bike.   I'm still taking it easy with that as my knee still hurts something fierce if I do more.

One thing I did realize today: I'm been feeling better.  My aches and pains hurt a bit less.  So, definitely something I've cut out/reduced intake on may have been the thing making me feel worse.

However, it is Monday and like most Mondays (or first days back to work), I'm worn out.   I'm trying to keep myself up and moving.  Like right now, as I type, I'm bouncing.   I figure if I'm not walking, at least I'm moving.     

But back to my original thought, today was hard.  I really really want pizza. I'm not going to do anything about it but I do want it.
I wonder if I'll ever have pizza again?   

Today I tried the Atkins French Vanilla protein shake. Ehhhh.  Don't think I'll get it again. Time to try something else.

Extra Post: Strawberry Banana Protein Shake

Last week, my protein shake of choice was Special K's Strawberry Banana.  This week I'm trying Atkins Strawberry Banana.  

While I LOVE Atkins Dark Chocolate Royal protein shake, the strawberry banana is ...ehh.
I loooooovvvvveeeedddd Special K's.  It tasted like a melted milk shake. Yummy.     As soon as I make my way through the other 3 shakes I'm back to buying Special K's.    

There's my food recommendation.

One week down

Wholly crap. This hard core dieting stuff is really hard!  I think, if I hadn't had a set 'goal' (surgery) in mind, I may have caved and had a pop or second portion or something.  BUT, I was a good girl.

I've religiously been using my Fitbit & MyFitnessPal to log my meals and exercise.  
I was even very good this past Thurs & Friday. I went to MI for a concert.  In the past I would have "paused" the diet and eaten fast food or other crap-with the excuse I couldn't stay on it because of the circumstances.  

Luckily, I have great support from Rich & friends (Sarah & Jennifer) who helped me stay on track. That and I am in the mindset that I really need to do this.  

According to my fitness pal, I've been under my calorie goal every day. I average 300-500 calories under.  Yay me. This means I'm eating averaging 1700 to 1900 calories a day.

I also bought the dreaded contraption that I've not had or used in a long time (which also explains a lot). I purchased a scale.  What is the point of struggling through this if I don't know if it is making a difference?  How will I know I need to adjust my eating habits or food items if I do not see progress?

One of the goals the dietitian set for me is to do 10, 000 steps a day.  This is where I struggle.  I am slowly upping the count each day but aside from Thursday, the day of the concert, I am not close yet.   I do try to make up for it.  I have gotten on my bike. I have tried doing a bit extra to make up for the lost steps.     Yesterday, I worked hard core at cleaning this house. I sweated and for hours, I scrubbed, vacuumed, dusted, picked up and wiped.   According to MyFitnessPal, that was about 900 calories burned.  

At the beginning of the week, I did find it excruciating between meals. I was hungry and I was trying to space out my eating.   It was killing me.

I also noticed yesterday, if I keep very busy, my mind isn't on my stomach so much.   Or maybe I'm getting to the point that I'm getting use to the new habits and my body is adjusting?   I don't know which it is, but I hope it continues.   Yesterday I did three meals and one snack of celery to hold me over till dinner.

What do I eat?  
During the work week, usually for breakfast  I have a Greek yogurt and protein shake.  
My snacks include Special K or Atkins protein bars.   

Lunch is a peanut butter and low sugar jelly sandwich on sandwich thins.  A vegetable of some sort (celery or broccoli) and a sugar free chocolate and vanilla swirl pudding.   Sometimes a sting cheese item is in there as well.

Dinner is where things differ.  One day I had a salad.  The next I ate a whole bag of edamame (only 210 calories!). We also did Brinner and I had a scrambled egg & cheese sandwich (on the thins).   Yesterday we splurged.  We ordered out from Jin House and I had a salad, miso soup, and edamame.  I'm finding I'm obsessed with edamame. I love love love it.   

For those who do not know what edamame is: It's steamed soy beans in their pods. You eat the beans after removing them from their pods.

Today is Sunday, so that means big dinner!   I'm making steak and mashed potatoes with a pepper medley for dinner.   I only purchased one steak and will take a small portion but I am so excited to have the mashed potatoes.  Sooooooo happy that I will be able to eat them after surgery.  OR I should say I'll be allowed to eat them, whether or not my body will allow them is another story.

Now, for the news that will make reading through all this drivel worth while: 
    I am down 3 lbs. 

hurrah!!!!

Goals I'm setting myself this week:
1-Getting more steps in.  Trying to average at least 7-8K 
2-Working at least 15-20 mins on my exercise bike for at least 3 days.
3-Another 3 lbs.

Thanks for reading. Thanks for your support.

Day of Appts: Consult

Yesterday I had all my appointments for surgery/consult.

Started off with an X-ray followed by an Ultrasound.  Was done with those by the time my actual appointment was to have started (8:15).

Headed off to the lab.  Small hiccup there as they could not find any orders for me.  Sat around waiting for about 15 minutes until they located it.  Once they took my blood, I had to waste time until 10 when my next appointment was scheduled.

Arrived a bit early and was given the psychological test. The computers were down so I had to take it my hand & a #2 pencil.   

My appointment with the psychologist was at 11.  I really liked her.   She was my first hurdle.    After speaking with her for awhile, she stated barring anything drastic from the test I took, she was signing off on my having surgery.    Yay!   She thinks I have a very good handle on what is going to happen and what I'll have to deal with. Her only suggestion was to go back to seeing my counselor to prepare for my mourning of food loss. Especially with my history, she would feel better knowing I was speaking with someone about what I will be going through.   

Finally a bit after 12, I get to go to lunch.   It was a bit of a challenge to determine where to eat especially since I was going for Bariatric consult.   What can i eat that doesn't make me feel guilty?

Returned at 1:45 for my Weight Management appointment. There I had an EKG.   No issues there. I had an exam and we talked about some of my issues. Two things that were brought to light was: 1) the redness in my shins-that I've had for awhile now is because of my weight. The blood is pooling having some issues flowing back up.     Something that should disappear after surgery.     2) The beginning stages of fatty tissue on my liver. Another thing that people with weight problems tend to have.       He had no issue signing off on my surgery.    When I was weighed, I was down from my last Dr visit in July.  SO we do see signs of progress.

Next my visit with the Surgeon. Nice guy.   He said he would have suggested the bypass as it's best for my issues.   He relies on all the other that I see so he said I wouldn't see him again to the pre-op.     

Finally my appointment with the Nutritionist.   We discussed my current eating habits. We discussed my past habits and what will come to pass once I have surgery.   Per my insurance requirements I am to have 3 months physician monitored weight loss.   My goal for Oct 25 is 24 lbs.    

We also discussed what would be my likely goal after surgery. It's doable and better than my personal goal.   

So as of this moment:   I am now on a Physician monitored diet and must work on losing 24 lbs by Oct 25.  She did say if I didn't hit the 24 lbs, as long as I was showing progress, she would still sign off on it.   

The other point of the diet is to get me in the habit of eating closer to what I will eat like after surgery.  Getting me in the habit now will help ensure that I have a successful outcome to the surgery.   

We went shopping for the stuff I need and are using today to finish up the items that are mine in the fridge & Pantry  (bagels & pop tarts).  

Fingers crossed that I can do this!

Tomorrow I truly enter the Bariatric Surgery world

Tomorrow is the day I've been waiting for for months.  Tomorrow I have my all day appointments starting at 8:15 all the way to 3:15--including the surgical consult.

I don't know how I feel about it all yet. I'm not nervous. I'm not anxious.  I'm not excited.  I just want this over and done with.  I want to know what I need to prepare for. I want this all to begin. I don't want this to begin.    

I've talked about what I was considering with some people but I haven't really made it a big to do with everyone....I think I am only really going to share with some.

I've already gotten some of the people who have to give their negative thoughts.. I appreciate those who only are trying to get me to think about it.   Truth is, I've thought about nothing else for the past three months

I guess we'll find out tomorrow......

the possibility: Bariatric Surgery

So, as I mentioned last, my doctor suggested the possibility of Bariatric Surgery.   Not something I've really thought about.   

Thinking about the pros and cons-  It would really help me lose this weight to the point where I could possibly start walking again without the severe back pain. I could walk the dogs again. I could walk period!  It would possibly get rid of the sleep apnea. Reduce the stress on my knee.   Lower my BP.  Give me a more positive outlook on my life.

The cons-it's major surgery. Major life style, food choice changes.   Serious stuff.

I called to get the ball rolling.  Did the required seminar on the surgeries. Did the test. Did the health questionnaire. Then the wait began. First it was a letter with my assigned group (they do it by colors) and then a few weeks later, the slip with the appointments arrive.  Almost three months away.  

I began using this time to research. Research research research.   I found individuals who've had the surgery and asked them questions. I've joined an online group for the surgeries and have read their experiences and advice.   

It is a big shock to my system reading just exactly how much my life will change.   I now understand the need for a therapist as part of the process.    It has all been depressing.   How much will have to change. How much I will give up.   I have to keep reminding myself the positive...the big positive.  I may be able to move around again.   I may be able to feel better again.   I may actually like the person I see staring back at me.

Some other factors that have convinced me that I'll go through with the surgery if approved-
I went to some concerts recently. I was unable to enjoy them because of the pain and suffering from standing and walking up and down the stairs.    A once favorite activity was just ruined.  

My neighbors have been doing 5Ks as of recently. While I don't think I'll ever run  them, just to be able to join them in some way on their workouts, would be fantastic. i went to a party this weekend and saw a friend who's recently lost 45lbs.  She looks FANTASTIC.   in fact they all were these skinny minnies.   Now, I don't expect to be stick thin, I would be happy to be 50lbs over weight.  As I mentioned, I carry it differently so I wouldn't look bad.....I would be skinnier and healthier.  

I am not ready to put my stats here yet.   I have my appointments with the clinic on Friday.   I'll get back to you then....