Definitely not a good day. I need help.

So day # whatever of my bum knee.  It was stiff and awkward and NOW I feel the arthritis /joint pain.  The usual bone on bone pain I feel.   Additionally my calf still hurts like I had a charlie horse.  Throw in the fact that I worked from home, Yeah...I sat on my butt.

I weighed myself.    4 lbs.  I GAINED 4 lbs.   I'm.......so pissed off at myself.   It's my own fault. I can't stop snacking.   I KNOW I should.  I KNOW what this leads to but I just can't stop.

Then insult to injury....

I got a Christmas card from my Aunt & Uncle.  They decided to be nice and include some pictures of Rich & I from this summer.   I am so sick..   My God.  Knowing you're fat.  Knowing you're over weight is one thing.  But to see it so blatantly obvious in pictures. I'm just sick.

Someone needed to smack me on the head and say LAURIE YOU'RE OBESE!   I ....these pictures just shook me. I'm soo freaking depressed right now.

I need to get back on track.   How can I be some people's inspiration if I'm just heading back to what I was. 

Do you know that this knee thing really upsets me. I've gotten so use to walking and moving and the fact that I'm to be taking it easy is killing me. The fact that I'm eating horribly is making me fall in that downward spiral.

How the hell did I get here?  I told myself once I would never be one of those older overweight people.

GUESS WHAT?  

I will eventually share these pictures with you.  I just can't do it right now.  I can't pull them out to look at them again.   I just want to cry.

So TODAY sucks.