The Struggle

Hi.  Welcome back and hello to anyone new joining us.

I wanted to take a moment to talk about something I am sure everyone can comprehend, struggle.

Since I decided a year ago to do something about my weight and go to that consult, my life has been nothing but struggle.

I bet the average person goes through the day without even thinking about their caloric intake or how much they weigh.  I'm sure it comes up, but I highly doubt they think of it as often as someone like me does, especially now.

Every day since Aug 18, when my eating habits officially changed and I began to work at losing weight, my weight and or food choices have been on my mind-Even more so now.   I have to plan out what I am having long before I make it. I need to either make sure I don't have too many ounces of meat or just enough to eat.

I am made aware of my weight by how my clothes fit. Are they too tight? Are they getting tighter? Are they starting to get too loose?   Here's a real issue I'm having right now. Tomorrow I am getting together for lunch with my cousin and Sunday with the family for mother's day. Both are taking place in a restaurant.   I've spent the past two days going over the menu's trying to determine what I can eat.   Luckily I have more choices at the lunch with my cousin than with the family.

I feel like I'm always hungry. Even now on this new diet.  I think about food. I think about my diet. I think about my weight.  I think about what I can have. I think about what I can't. I wonder how long it will take me to lose. Last night at dinner, after I measured out my portion and ate it, it took all I had to not get up for more.   I so badly wanted to eat more. I was hungry AND it tasted so good.

I made my cauliflower casserole this week. Under normal circumstances, I could have had more than 1 helping. However, this is not a normal circumstance.   I am only allowed 2 vegetable servings a day.   I already had one earlier, so I could only allow myself one piece.  It was sooooooooooo good.

I never appreciated being on 1900 calories as much as I do now.

I'll be honest though. As much as I'm hungry, I'm not starving.   I do get filled up on certain meals and I do not feel weak or dizzy or anything else associated with malnutrition or lack of food.

Yesterday, I knew I had to work out.  So I made myself go to aqua Zumba.  I find it hard to want to work out or do most activity after months of NOT doing it. This winter was brutal and very detrimental to my success.

I'm just looking forward to the day when food,  calories,   or weight do not cross my mind.   Those of you losing or trying to,  do you feel the same?