Disappointment

Hey.  Obviously I didn't do a Sunday post.  I was, no am, so disappointed in myself. 
One of the reasons I blog is to have someone else be aware of my progress to motivate me not to fail.  I felt bad enough as it was and then my Mom calls after reading and asks "So what happened?".
This made me feel 10x worse.
Not only have I let myself down, I'm letting some of you down; those of you who really care what happens to me.

My 'transgressions' led to a 9 pound weight gain.  I figured at least half was water weight and I was correct as I quickly shed those.  So because of my lack of discipline, I'm up 5 pounds. To make matters worse, I do my final weigh in for the Biggest Loser today.  I'm so pissed at myself. I had so little lack of control this time around that all the weight that I lost was mostly me trying to lose the gains.  

My embarrassment and disappointment make it hard for me to blog right as I feel like that, so I skip it instead of owning up to it right away.

I hate that my life mostly centers around food.  What I can have. What I can't. What I want to eat. What I shouldn't eat.  Will there ever be a time where it's not a huge portion of my life?

It is no joke when people say weight loss is a struggle.  It really is.  

While I hate that my Mom's call to me made me feel super shitty, I'm glad for it.  The day the questions and calls stop bothering to matter to me is the day I'm on a track to no good.  Besides documenting what I'm doing and feeling, I need you to help keep me accountable.  Even if it's the thought of you or in actuality you, you're one more check and balance to keep me from sliding.
Thank you.  Thank you for your silent support. Thank you for your vocal support. Just Thank you.